Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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