Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
