he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
