Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
