Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i already hear my dad disowning me
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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