she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
