Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
