$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
