I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
