My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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