so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
