i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize