FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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