We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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