I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
