I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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