yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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