I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
