It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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