There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
