You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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