Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
