I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
