she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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