its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
