when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
