I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize