can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
