you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found puke in my bra..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
