I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
