There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
