the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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