we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
