I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We need a shit load of segways right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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