Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize