i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
