I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
