my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
