You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
