Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
