That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
