It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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