If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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