I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize