No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
