I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
