there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize