I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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