Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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