Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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