How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am spending my child support on dildos
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
