yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
