this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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