did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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