I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
