They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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