I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
