Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
