"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
