Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
